"You can forgive someone almost anything but you cannot tolerate everything. We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run."
i just finished reading annadiana's and zyzybaby's blog. guess what? i cried. yes, tears rolled down my cheeks. i dont know why im being too emotional right now. kaseh crybaby, no shame, boo. -.- i dont know what's th sad thing that made me teared. their love story, maybe? i think so. or maybe it reminds me of my love story?
i now then realised that life is difficult. and if i could go through those difficulties, i am not a loser. yes, a winner in life. but now, i was a winner for a short period of time, and then im back to my ownself, a loser, always been.
ive been lying to people and to myself. only god knows th real me. honestly speaking, i dont even know th real me. i dont know what has got into me? im weird, i feel so weird. is this th last day of my life? choy, touch wood touch wood, hah!
ive been rejecting guys' love but before that, i somehow gave hopes to them. well, its time for me to admit all these. but seriously, when i was giving hope, i never realise those cause my intentions was just to make friends and being friendly, like seriously. but in th end, everything went wrong and i just dont know how it happened. my bad, seriously. blame me, all you can. but im sitll thankful that guys could still forgive me and some still want to wait for me. it makes me feel guilty, sometimes. but i cant stop them from loving me. im bad, that's why sometimes i never admit when one says that im nice. wait, am i really bad? hate taggers, answer me, am i really bad that you think im so bad? imma human being, i make mistakes too. and now, i guess, ive realised my mistakes, do i deserve a second chance? haters, do i deserve a second chance? oh my god, i just feel like saying sorry to everyone whom ive hurt, or to whoever ive done wrongs to. ive been saying this for quite a number of times and feel like saying it again; i cant please anyone, i cant make everyone happy.
i feel like turning back th time and wanna be single w no ex! but no, i never regretted knowing hairul in my life. i loved him so much that at times, it makes me hate him. yes annadiana, i feel th same way you felt. maybe ady's not in your heart anymore. good for you, you have somehow moved on. but me? why is it so hard for me? it makes me cry whenever i think about my first love. guys said that im playing hard to get but why th one that i wanted so much, left me? well, he has his reasons, i know that. why must he ignored me? again, he has he reasons. but why cant he treat me like how other guys treat me? why is it always like this? th one that i wanted so much is not into me. and th ones who had given all his heart to me eventhough got rejected are th ones who are into me?
i was finding something and ah, its lost. nevermind, i'l search for it and will post about it soon.
but my second ex, he's nice too. i loved him. yes loved. and now, i want him to be happy without me. nizam, never said that you cant move on. you will and trust me, you'l be happier without me. everyone says im bad cause i know, it was my mistake as i was th one who wanted to go away from your life. i cant blame anyone for ruining my relationship cause everything that has happened, i was th one who made th decisions.
why is life so unfair? i know, its not th time for me think of all these as i have many other important things to think of, but this is a matter of feelings and this will actually affect my everday life, and im afraid that this will stop me from being a cheerful and happy girl. i have always wanting to be a very happy girl without having to fake a smile but that seems to never happen.
why cant i love someone else who can love me better than how hairul used to love me? i never had th answer for that cause its a difficult question. only my heart knows th reason why and my heart was taken on a very special date and he has yet to return it back to me. okay, that part was nonsense -.- how could i still be alive without having a heart? oh maybe im living w his heart cause he once told me that his heart will always be w me? aww. bah bah bah, ):
okaaaaay, why is it so difficult for me to move on? maybe because he understands me. he was almost perfect to me. he has everything that i wanted eventhough he nags alot. and and and, what i love th most about him was that he pampered me alot. ): kay, im crying again now. everyone, boo at me, imma pathetic crybaby ): boo sama kaseh, boo sama kaseh -.-
no guys pamper me. i repeat, no guys pamper me, other than hairul, -.-
kay, let me close my face now and say this, hairul.. will you be there for me when im in need of you? am i still there, somewhere in your heart? or not even in your mind anymore? ):