Introduction



Kaseh♥ ;i dont smoke/drink/club, thanks for passing by my blog (:

Being in a relationship now is just a temporary thing in life.

"You can forgive someone almost anything but you cannot tolerate everything.
We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it.
Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run."

♡ I don't want to be th first cause there will be second and third, i want to be th only one ♡

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Tomorrow will always be a better day

March 2008 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 April 2009 May 2009 June 2009 July 2009 August 2009 September 2009 October 2009 November 2009 December 2009 January 2010 February 2010 March 2010 April 2010 October 2011

Thursday, December 03, 2009 ♥ ; read it like you're reading a novel.

friday night boy-ed, please read my previous post. hmm.

a loner, i am. i may loook as a girl who has alot of friends. i may look like i am loved by many. i may look like i'm not thankful of everything i have as all those are just not enough for me. but if only you people understand my situation.. th friends i have are mostly my 'hi hi bye bye' friends. and im loved by those whom i can't return back their love or can't give them th love they need.

in life.. i just need a loving and understanding family and friends. to be truthful.. my family isn't always th 'happyhappy go lucky' type as how i usually blog about them. i know its normal to have life w full of ups and downs. but when family crisis happen.. i always have th feeling of wanting to end my life. family problems has never been shared to friends. i will always share my family problems to my one and only cousinezzan for she understands everything. cousinezzan's family has always been there for me and sister. i love them alot.

there's a post i saved on draft.. about th feelings i had for my family but i decided not to post it cause i think it's quite harsh and it's not a good thing to talk bad about our own family members for they are th ones who was there for me since th day i was born.

being th youngest in th family, i have no right to pinpoint their mistakes. i could only observe who's right and who's wrong, who's always think they're right and who's never admit that they're wrong. all i could do is to swallow my anger and just keep quiet but i'm glad when they said, "perangai kita yang betul, kau ikut. yang tak betul, jangan ikut." at least... they somehow admit that they're not always right. you know.. parents.. they always thought that they're hundred percent right.

sometimes when they wanted to do things they shouldn't do.. i tried to advise by saying, "you have to show good example to your daughter". well, they actually listened to me. at least i feel appreciated..... sometimes.

and th head of this house is th most religious one.. but... most of th times... he thought that everything he does is right. at times when i got angry... and couldn't control my anger... i feel like saying.. "divorce her and go get a religious wife" but i have no right to say that.. i know it will just increases my sins.. but i can't go on seeing tears in her eyes. she's too nice that sometimes i thought.. he don't deserves her.

and now.. i'm th only one that is nice to him in th house. i mean.. th only one that entertains him. i always have dinner w him and all. i can't afford to see him all alone in th living room. i can't afford to see him doing everything by his own cause he must be lethargic due to working since morning till night. so i'l massage his shoulder and legs while accompanying him watching tv in th night. at th same time, i'l try to forget th hatreds i have for him cause i know.. i shouldn't interfere th 'husband and wife's' problems. i love both of them equally.. but at times, i admit that i'm being biased to either one of them.

as for friends.. i've always wanted to have a group of girlfriends. th girlfriends who will always be together through ups and downs w me. th ones whom i can bitch w. th ones who thinks that boys come and go.. th ones who agrees that boys are not important in girl's life. th ones who thinks that there's no need to be in love for now. th ones who also thinks, no boyfriend no problem. i wanna have sleepovers w girlfriends. i want my blog to be full of their pictures everyday in my daily post. but sadly, this dream never come true. girlfriends are always busy w their own life, w work, w boyfriend, w other friends. whatever it is.. they are always in my heart, as promised (:

as for guyfriends. i never really had a different gender friend who's sincerely wanna be my friend. everytime i thought i found a guy that could be my bestfriend... they will confess their feelings and when i couldn't accept their love, they'l say that i give them false hopes.. and in th end, we break our friendship. why? can't you guys understand that friendship last longer than relationship? more problems will appear when in relationship. being just friends is th best, don't you think so?

well, i am really th fickle-minded type of girl.

sometimes... i feel like giving up on everything. then suddenly, i feel like taking back everything. next, i feel like giving up again cause i thought it will solve my problems. then.. i'l feel lonely and will try to get things back to normal and it will continue to go on like that.

i'm also th type who whines alot. sometimes i thought i've lost my mind. sometimes i thought that i dont deserve all th things i have now. sometimes i felt that life is unfair cause i didnt get what i want. but to think again, i dont know what i actually want.

whatever it is... i appreciate and thankful of all th things that god has given me. i accept everything that had happened to me, be it th good or th bad ones. life is full of ups and downs. everything that had happened or will happen, are all written. yes.... i need to have a good mindset now. i've learnt alot throughout my sixteen years of living.

i failed to find a best guy friend. but circumstantially, i've fallen in love w someone. none other than my solely, mysterious boy. i ever thought of saying goodbye to him.. cause th way i fall for him.. was like no advance planning... its like soo accidentally... initially, he was just my eyecandy... i was just admiring his good looks... i was just gaga-ing over him... and i thought, by going away from his life.. it will somehow solve my problems as i thought... i am meant to just stay single for now.

me: ni random aja tau. kalau i kaan.. tetiba berhenti contact nan u kaan.. apa jadi? u tak kisah eh dan tak heren eh? haaha.
him: ouh..haha..i tk le uat pape ah..its ur choice!i kisah n heran ah..y u do tis to me..haha..

cute laa kan ni anak. it has been eight days since i last seen his pretty face. pretty face or whuat? haha. handsome seh dia, hanya tyqa aja yang tawu reaksi kaseh bila pertama kali nampak dia on th 15th may. hahaha. farissss, i miss misses missing missed you, boo.

assalammua'laikum.