Introduction
Kaseh♥ ;i dont smoke/drink/club, thanks for passing by my blog (:
We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it.
Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run."
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Tomorrow will always be a better day
Saturday, February 20, 2010 ♥
; aliveness (woah, more than 20 paragraphs o.O)
Hi! Hello! Hullo! Aloha! Greetings! Hiya! Howdy! Yo! *waves and smile widely*
th way i greet.. it's so obvious that i'm in a good mood right now. eheheehe. so yup, i think, i wanna blog a very long post. read it like you're reading a novel, oteyoyo? if it's too long and you don't feel like reading, then it's okay cause i blog just for th sake of blogging and since i have no one to talk to right now (duh, it 2:28am and everyone is busy sleeping) i shall just type out everything's in my mind, seems like i'm entertaining myself, so yup, suka hati kau laaa eh kaseh, type laa berapa panjang kau nak, asal kan kau bahagia k kaseh k ^.^v
okay, nak mulakan dengan apa? mulakan dengan Bismillah, disudahi dengan Alhamdulillah,
begitu lah seharian dalam hidup kita, mogamoga dirahmati oleh Allah.. *continue singing* ehehhee.
kay la kay la, let's get serious.. *muka serious* -.- alamaaak, seriously, boredom is so killing me right now. bosaaaaaaaan! bososeh giloleh tawoweh? faham tak apa kaseh berbual? ehehehe, kalau faham.. 5 markah untuk anda! *clapclap* yaaaaaaaay.
okay, sumpah kaseh layan diri sendiri -_________- bleah, jom dengar cerita kaseh......
yesterday, th friday 19th! plan of going out w th lovely girlfriends was canceled. yayah dear, i'm sorry for not attending your chalet. but please make yourself free next week on friday th 26th, okay? same goes to jana, lina, ifa, sepet, tikah and muny, girls.. make yourself free please? complete girlfriends outing! :B lina and ifa, text me soon! we must meet before th 26th! ^.^v
today th saturday 20th, dad's pay! kaseh kaseh, part gaji aja mesti ingaaaaaaat eh! huaaaaaaak, ehe. but i think th plan of going to jb is postponed to next week. this is so saddening, please. i want to shopppppppp so much, before class starts, bleah. mum always give me false hopes D: but mum saaaaid, she'll comfirm w me again later in th morning, so i guess there's still 1% of hope -.-
i'm going out w my dearest primary school friends on this coming sundaaaaay! shopppping! excitedddddd tawuk, tau tau, ehe! ^.^v
mondaaay... bleah. yes, i'm excited cause i'm starting my first day of night class on th 22nd feb at ite simei, but i hate th fact that i'm going to register again. which means, i have to come early....... alone! tak ke memalukan gituuu? register sorangsorang, tengahari pula tuu, pasti banyak budakbudak ite, maluuuuuuuuuu ); yeeeee, memang laa kaseh ni suka cuci mati (haha, admit seh kaseh) tetapi... macam awkward gitu kan? hahaha, tak apa kaseh, kaseh kan independant, kaseh boleh register sorangsorang, jangan takut kay? (boleh gitu eh, sedap kan hati sendiri -.-)
i'm still not sure about my classes schedule! i dont know if my classes is on th mon-fri or mon-thurs and sat, ayayaaaaai. so troublesome. if my dad and sis didn't force me to take partime classes, things wouldn't be like this and i should have already enjoying my time schooling at ite; new friends, seeing my cyberfriends in th school, get allowance everyday, got a reason to ask money for topping up ezlink card and etcetera. mum gave me allowance only two times a month and th next day i will go shopping, then boom, finish.. cashless. i'm using adult ezlink card, two to three trips a day and boom, habis duit ezlink. lecoceh kan kan kan? if you're an adult and you take public transport, please agree! *click like* bleah, maybe there's a reason... oh well ); i'm not spoiled, never a spoiled child but whenever i ask my parents for th things i want and when i got it.. i feel that i'm spoiled. apa aja eh kaseh, nak benda abih da dapat, terus feel bad sendiri -.- you understand what i'm trying to say? hahaha, nevermind. i'm confuse too -.-
and th day goes on, but i always believe that tommorrow will always be a better day, so don't stop smiling (:
i'm going to be seventeen in months time, i think i am still toooo young to get involved in relationship. when i reminisce th past, th times when i thought that love is wonderful, and th one i'm in love(d) w was my everything, i sulked if he didn't entertain th way i want to be entertained, i love acting like a child cause i love being pampered, i talked like toddler does, i purposely texted like i'm not in th mood just to get attention from him, i want him to be w me always, i want him to always spend his time on me.. only me, i get angry and jealous when other girls trying to flirt w him, i hate when he took pictures w other girls, and etcetera. no, im not referring to only one of my past, i'm actually referring to each and every of my pasts.. yup, all th pasts that had created bittersweet memories w me. even if i hate any of my pasts, i can't change th fact that they have actually made me smiled and made me felt wonderful. well, hating is very tiring actually. so i am thankful to all th people who had made me felt marvellous, who had made my day-ed sucha splendid ones. well, there's some of th pasts whom have gave me happiness only for a short period of time. meaning, they are th ones who come and go as they wish, giving me false hopes but still... i cherish th times they made me felt happy and gave me th reason to smile :B i know there must be a reason why i had to be hurt by th ones whom i chose to commit w, but in th end, i realised that th hopes they gave were actually false. yes, it hurts real much and then, i realised something.. this is th feeling how th guys whom i gave false hopes have felt. yes, karma. i believe in karma, so i accept every karmas that had happened to me.
everytime i got hurt and had to end every relationship between me and th other party.. there's one paragraph has always made me feel thankful and strong...
"Jika seseorang itu hadir dalam hidup saya dan menjadi sebahagian daripada saya tapi ada sebab-sebab tertentu dia terpaksa pergi, saya tak akan terlalu sedih dan akan terima kenyataan itu. sekurang-kurangnya, dia pernah membahagiakan saya, jadi saya redha." - Syu, syurga cinta. (:
th pasts.. i'm not referring only to my two ex-boyfriends, but also to my ex-dates and guyfriends (: and those who hated me for giving you false hopes, like i've always said, i never had th intention to do so, love cannot be forced, i've always wanted to increase my circle of friends, yup i just wanna befriend, not more and not less. i never regretted knowing each and every of th people in my past, so i hope.. i have made my part of being your friends (:
oh, to all my friends.. girlfriends... cyberfriends... guyfriends.. acquaintances.. cousins.. family members.. and whoever who knows me or currently still contacting me.. or still talking to me.. mhmm, i'm aware that i'm not a good friend to my friends, not a good daughter to my parents, not a good sister to my sister, not a good cousin to my cousins, never a good girlfriend to my exboyfriends, not a good partner to my exdates cause i never had th time to actually talk to some of you, reply to each and every of your text messages, answer phone calls, reply facebook messages, chatango offline messages, msn offline messages, at times, i tend to cancel meet up plans at th very last minute, i always seem busy, i seldom be th one who is always there when you need someone to share problems w, to have a shoulder to cry on, or someone to make you smile.. i feel bad, very bad.
i always whine that i'm bored, i always have unsettled problems, feel lonely, neglected, and etcetera, but th fact is.. most of you are always there and never failed to give me advices on chatango offline messages, facebook messages, msn offline messages, text messages and more. i feel bad, i'm sorry for being a bad friend, i really wanna apologise if some of you feel unappreciated );
i always share my problems w dad and he told me that i have alot of 'musuh dalam selimut' and i must be careful. yup, i agree w that. being hated is quite disturbing but hating is really tiring. well, if you hate me.. please confront me.. it would be better than talking behind my back, spreading rumours about me and etc. i find it really annoying and it anguishes me much. i dont understand why sometimes people easily believe what people said, and by listening to other's sayings, th one who listened will start to hate. no offence, tapi macam tak ada akal gitu kan? dengar dari mulut orang, tanpa selidik, terus nak membenci? i mean like.. do you know how to differentiate th right and th not right?
sometimes when my anger arouse, or my softness is not there anymore.. people around me will tend to say that i've changed and becoming worse. wait.. do you know that i have feelings too? i can't forever let poeple step on my head, i also know how to get angry, i also dont want people to take advantage of my kindness. yes, i admit.. i'm not th old kaseh anymore, i'm quite loud now. but that doesn't mean that i've changed from good to evil, right? i can't forever say 'yes', and i'm happy that i have learnt to say 'no'. i dont want to forever be like kerbau kena cucuk hidung. ah kan, da mula peribahasa, ^.^
oh ya, i'm not sticky. what i meant is actually.. i dont stick to only one when it comes to friendssssss. get this clear, i am very sociable, i dont favouritism, and i treat my circle of friends equally. so please, no one have th right to control me from befriending w anyone i want. i have a life, please.
regarding boyfriend.. or shoud i say, having a partner to be in relationship w.. like i mentioned justnow.. i sulked, wanted attentions, jealousy always happened and more when in relationship.. it is very immature so yup.. i've realised th mistakes i've made. so everytime girls accused me for flirting w their boyfriends.. i totally understand th feelings and i solve th problems in a good way. no like some other girls.. when kena confront aja, they purposely make th girlfriend lagi jealous. nak buat kebencian orang buat apa kan? isn't it better to get th problems settled and so, no hatreds will be encountered? yes, i hate having foes.
i also did mentioned that hating is tiring. like for example, some immatures framed me by creating me msn, tagged, bearshare, friendster accounts.. then they had to copy pictures from my blog and facebook and paste on th fake accounts. they had to pretend being me, some would even buy new number to text and talk on th phone w th victims. just because that you immatures hate me, you have to take th trouble doing all these nonsensical things? im not being rude here, but seriously, where have your brains gone to? what's th reasons behind all these? jealousy? what is there to be jealous of? my life is never perfect, and th life that i'm living in has always treated me unfairly, and you want this life? or maybe, th satisfaction you got when you suceed in framing me and make my name goes bad? is it a nice thing to do? seriously, i dont hate you doing all these. yes, part of me.. i'm really sad and angry but another part.. i pity you immatures. no, i'm not being sarcastic but seriously, i pity you immatures for getting th sins. even if you still hate me and still creating fake accounts of me, i'd still forgive you sincerely and even if i got to know who are those immatures.. i wont revenge.. cause i know that god is fair.. you'll get karma sooner or later. may god bring you to th right path, insyaallah (:
sometimes when i recall th past.. and realised how much mistakes i've done. i know it is never too late for me to repent, but i never really have th time to do what a muslim have to do. you get me? honestly, i seldom see myself doing th prayers and it is sucha disgrace.. like seriously. i feel ashamed to blog about this but.. yes.. i'm just letting out my bottled up feelings. i've always wishing that one day, i could read th quran fluently. that's what i have always dreamt of. i finally have a dream, like woaaaaah. ahahah, cause everytime when people ask me, what is my dream, i will always reply either 'idk' or 'never thought of it yet'. ahahahah, tsk!
i promised to dad, and had to swear in th name of Allah that after i've done my studies.. i have to take classes for akhirat purpose. but im afraid cause dad want to send sister and me to Pesantren, at Indonesia. i can't imagine living there, wearing jilbab all th time. yuuup, i'm imagining... cause i watched 'Syahadat cinta' just now in th afternoon and yes... soo, that is how Pesantren looks like, eh? woo. th rules are so strict o.O i think i'l find my jodoh there. hahahaha. mana tahu kahwin ngan ustaz kat sana ke? >.<
you know.. when i start blogging this post.. i thought i'm gonna talk all th nonsensical things.. look at my first paragraph, how annoying and childish -.- but then, i realised that i feel much better after blogging all my bottle up feelings.
i think, i need to head to bed already. it's already 5:20am. time flies real fast, and i dont want to wake uppppppp late like just now! i woke up at 4pm and i was late... th banks were all closed, cannot withdraw moneeeey ); so i hope i'l get to withdraw my nuffnang money today ^.^v
ohh maaan, mum woke up already and went inside my room! i just got scolded for not sleeping and she said she wont wake me up so i cant withdraw my money. mummy, why mummy so bad today? mummy kan seldom scold me! i'm sulking now ); ahahaha, hentikan eh kaseh, irritating tau! >.< okay that's all for today! much loves, xx.
~
okay, i'm back. i didnt sleep justnow and now, it's already 6:48am. i went to have my breakfast, like woo.. i am so full right now. i think i'll sleep only after i'm back from dbs/posb bank ): bleah, cause mum told me that today.. th bank closes early. yup, half day since it's weekend ); so troublesomeeeeeeee, hmph.
assalamualaikum warahmatullah hiwabarakatuh.
