Wednesday, March 10, 2010 ♥
; you were my temporary happiness and a lifetime sadness
They say, if th old one doesn't go away, then th new one won't come....

for quite some times, i have always thought that being in relationship now is just not meant for me. i have always thought that it'd be embarassing if i were to say that im falling in love or say anything that has got to do w love. i dont know why. i find myself weird nowdays. it's just that i think i am waaaaay too young for all these things. it's just that i don't see th benefit of having a boyfriend now. i have always thought that having a boyfriend means that i am ready to be hurt again and also, ready to face alot of problems. i find it strange to see my friends or any strangers who get along well w their boyfriend, they look so sweet together. frankly speaking, yes im jealous to see sweet couples.
it's just so weird if i were to get into relationship. it has been so long since i last had a serious one; a relationship which lasted over a year plus. obviously, i've gotten over it. it was a couple of years ago. that was th first and th last serious relationship i have ever experienced for now. and right now, i have forgotten how to be a girlfriend, and i just find it weird if i were to involve in relationship again. well, th second relationship lasted for only two months. th reason i asked for a break up cause i couldn't forget th first one, so yup, i know that was really a dumb reason. but i have to say that both of my pasts are hot. i can still melt upon looking at their photos in my phone. hahahaha. gambar masih simpan ah, abih asal? ^^ oops, sejak bila eh kaseh berbual gini macam? so th tak kenaaaa :P hehehehehhe.
so after breaking up w th second, three months later.. i accidentally fall for someone. that was four months ago. so currently, he was th last one i have totally fallen for. up till now, he is still on my mind eventhough th lastime i contacted him was three months ago. yes, we only contacted for a month. i find it weird cause it was only a month plus, and he seemed to be permanently in my mind now. i believe that there's still misunderstadings that are yet to be explained between th both of us. but everything's over now. i have reasons for deleting him off from my facebook and blocking him on msn. around last month, i tried adding him back on facebook but i guess, he ignored me. yesterday, i unblocked him from msn and my heart was beating so fast when i saw him online but i dont have th guts to say hi.
tonight, i will be sending him a text message at 12am, that will be th last, (i hope) well, i dont know if he's still using th same number. but im not hoping for anything. th new one will come, sooner or later. i will be waiting patiently. i just want to be happy.
th weird thing about me is.. i have alot of problems when im in relationship, but i have to face more problems when im not in a relationship. ok, i know how to solve these problems. being a lesbian?! any girls interested in me? winkwink.
ok just kidding! i'm bored -.- and im feeling so down ): i want a gayboy for a bestfriend. hahaha. im serious ok!
oh, have i told you that many guys sent me messages on facebook and asked if im a lesbian or not? they said, "kesian, muka lawa tapi lesbian", "tak cukup ke lelaki kat dunia ni sampai pilih perempuan", ada yang sampai kasi nasihat, dorang kata jadi lesbian ni semua dosa dan blablabla. hahaha. omg, i knowwwwwwww ok! im straight, belum senget lagi -.-
so yup, i was supposed to go study w cousinEzzan justnow in th afternoon but my room was locked and th room key played hide and seek w me -.- and till now i cant find th key, padahal kaseh dah berhenti main hide and seek dengan kunci tu tau, shiok sendiri ah eh tu kunci main hide and seek sorangsorang -.- menyampah, hmph. i waited for grandaddy to be home till 3:30pm and now, it's 4:30pm, my door is finally unlocked. now i have to get ready for maths class, at ite simei. maaaaaaaanzxz, i'm lazy!
i didnt turn up for class last mon and tues. i was feeling so worn out, like seriously! worn out, not lazy! k, byebye.
assalammua'laikum waramatullah hiwabarakatuh.Labels: i never lose you cause you were never mine
