"You can forgive someone almost anything but you cannot tolerate everything. We don't have to tolerate what people do just because we forgive them for doing it. Forgiving heals us personally. To tolerate everything only hurts us all in the long run."
two days MC ; high fever. im sick and that's th reason why ive not been updating my blog for th past few days. actually ,im still sick now but th feeling is much better than yesterday. im wondering what will happen to me without having a mum cause my mum was th one who took care of me and brought me to th clinic yesterday. my mum was th one who fed me th medicines. my mum was th one who put th cold towel on my forehead. i guess ,she didnt slept well yesterday cause she kept checking on my temperature. im thankful to have such a caring mum (: alhamdulillah. &i love my mum very much ,very very much.
anyway! i was out w cousin ezzan &aunt azmah last friday (: watched 'unborn' at tampines golden village. scary tau! slept over at ezzan's place and went home th next day. hehe ,had a great time w cousin ezzan ;D
anyway ,was browsing through ezzan's phone and saw some photos (:
oh ,i would like to apologise to dear fathulhakim for not attending his chalet ): im sorry kbs-ed. i miss you much. takecare.
Thursday, March 26, 2009 ♥
hi readers. life has been quite okay but at times ,life can be very bad. yes ,veryvery bad. and sometimes i feel like *fill in th blanks*.
yesterday i went to zafirah's place and watched 'oh baby'. great movie. hah! as usual ,zyzy and zafirah's pretty friend were there as well. heh. and today ,i went to tamp again ,w dearest zafirah. i just realised that ive been going tamp like almost everyday. haha.
okaaaay ,i have to go now. and bah ,im done w today's post :D
Tuesday, March 24, 2009 ♥
"A guy who have you in his life is the lucky man." -23/03/2009 22:56
didnt attend school. this time i swear ,i was really sick in th morning. last night i woke up after sleeping from 8 to 11. asked my mum for medicine. i felt so sick ,please. and still ,i wasted my time texting/arguing w that someone. was sick and that someone made me stress. you know who you are ,kay. benci! i have never came back to you and th reason i texted you back was because i wanted to know how would you feel if i were to att w a new guy. argh. you and your not clever reasons. i hate you. whatever ,its over now. goodbye.
well ,today ive been chatting w my msn friends and yes ,its like th firstime i started th conversation first (: and most called me action cause they used to say hello many times but i have never replied them. kaseh action ke? ): sorry kawankawan.
i hate th fact that im missing him ,very much.
Monday, March 23, 2009 ♥
i wasn't really sleepy in school until th very last three periods which i was having poa. even if i slept eight hours th day before ,i'l still get sleepy laa kan cause today's poa lesson was three periods ): but in my case ,i didnt sleep th whole of last night at all. i was really sleepy during th last two periods and thankfully ,miss mara gave us two minutes break and guess what ,i was actually asleep. two minutes later ,zafirah woke me up. th minute i woke up ,i felt so fresh. haha. this reminded me of th day when i met exboyfriend at tamp. at that time ,i didnt sleep th whole night too but i was asleep for about 15minutes when he was studying and when i was awakened by his disturbance ,i felt so fresh and not sleepy anymore. haaaa ~
so how was my day? hmm.
th moment i stepped out of my house in th morning ,my mind wasn't at ease. no mood. too many things kept running through my mind. i was early so i took bus 14. while otw to school ,i received a text message from my dear friend ,safwan. at that moment ,i felt that life isn't that bad afterall. there's still someone who actually cares for me (:
in school ,i felt as though i was in distressful isolation. i dont smile that much like i used to. idk why. i was frowning all th time until th time when i heard jannah's voice :D she's so cute ,she has never failed to put a smile on my face. idk why ,her reactions ,th way she talks will always make me smile and laugh. hehe. initially ,i didnt want to go canteen but jana wanted to eat ,so i followed jana &tikah. i somehow saw him. ive tried to avoid from bumping or get my eyes to him ,but th door was opened and my eyes accidentally saw him. haish. th month of May ,please come quick!
anyhow ,i miss my classmates esp my guyfriends. i dont talk to them today.
i like today's poa &math cause i got to talk to zafirah during poa and got to talk to zyzy during math (: i love them. huak. they're th friends whom i can actually talk to. after school ,i spentime w them at zafirah's place. and zafirah's pretty friend was there as well. hehe. watched th movie ,susuk :D i had fun w them. took bus 69 home. in bus ,zyzy talked to me about her story w a guy. somehow ,it reminded me of my past. anyway zyzy ,be strong sayang (:
i miss my yayah tikah &jana. i miss my aidah tyqa nadia &zara as well ,very much ):
oh. anyway anyway! since i was at tamp justnow ,i was still hoping to bump into that unknown stranger but he was no where to be seen. haiyakkk ~
Monday, March 23, 2009 ♥
hi dear readers. school has reopened and guess what? im still awake! its 4am right now. will be super sleepy in class ,im sure of that. haiyak. its okaaay ,redbull will keep me alive. bleah.
anyway! ive been bloghopping and im not sure ,not accusing but i guess that eleven year old girl is talking about me. dear kid ,did you just call me ass girl? (: oh ,im here not to find fault. im just asking. i dont entertain older girls who want to find fault w me so obviously im not gonna entertain an eleven year old girl kan :D heee ~ so ,if youre not happy w th situation that has to do w me or something ,let's have a talk. thanks. and im sorry if i were to misinterpret or something (:
ive been wondering th whole night. i shouldn't have fall for that intructor in my school. oh my god ,i made a big mistake. firstly ,i thought he was a nice guy that could be trusted but no ,i was wrong ,like totally. we're just not meant for each other. im not saying that he's a bad guy but i go for good guys. argh ,im blank. idk how to explain ,please. but whatever it is ,he's one of th most wonderful guys that have ever came into my life eventho i was told by him that im th worst girl that he had ever known. well ,theres nothing much i could say. and again ,things had over. theres no need for us to be still holding on to our promises. its over. its really over. im not coming back. i swear. so why you keep on saying that my promises are all bullshits even after things had over? and all you could say is that i cant think properly cause im immature? gosh.
so ,these things came about when you got to know that i have a crush on a stranger. th stranger whom i didnt even know anything about him? kaseh tatawu pun asal usul dia. isn't that funny? why are we still fighting when its over between us? you told me not to look for you anymore but youre th one who keep disturbing and giving me stress? stop intruding my life ,please.
'STRESS' is all i could feel and say right now. stress? i know that i've been repeating that threadbare word -.- but ,what else could i say to describe my feelings? i can't go on faking a smile when th fact is i'l be crying every night! so ,what you gonna say right now? im seeking attentions for posting like this? please ,im just letting out my feelings. do you realise that you have an attitude of keep thinking that everything you do/think is right? i guess you'l be saying that im also like that -.- and you'l be saying that th reason im posting like this cause i want to seek attention from guys and guys will help me on my problems and etcetera. for goodness sake ,stop thinking of yourself.
again im saying ,i have never talked about OUR problem to random guys ,not even to my close friends but ive been observing that youve been telling people about US. i dont mind if you chose to do that but stop complaining that random people keep irrupting your life ,my life ,OUR life. i swear ,im exhausted. im feeling so fatigued right now. im not angry at you actually ,im angry at myself.
im starting to hate myself. i hate myself real much.
i asked two of my dear guyfriends if they had ever cried without knowing th reason why and they replied no. i even asked my father th same question and he told me that only demented people cry without knowing th reason why. yes! only kooky gaga dotty nutty people do that -.- last night ,i was actually crying for a long period of time and out of sudden i asked myself what actually th reason that made me feel so down and sad. i was asking myself ,why i feel that im always in deplorable state? i actually doesn't know th reason why i was crying last night. obviously ,im not insane yettt. i keep distressing ,why is that so? i need to change my mindset pretty soon ,its a must. i must be strong. i have to be strong.
its almost 5am right now. i need to have some rest. ouch ,im feeling so lethargic right now. takecare dear readers and have a nice day!
Sunday, March 22, 2009 ♥
HAPPY 43RD BIRTHDAY DEAREST MUMMY (:
youre th best and im nothing without you. im sorry for all my wrong doings. i love you and will always do. i promise to be a good daughter. much hugs&kisses.
went makan at Tamp Food Culture w Ibu Ayah Kakak &Kak Anisa (: i had a great day ,of course! heheh. sayang semuanya.
Saturday, March 21, 2009 ♥
Selamat 16 bulan yang tidak kesampaian ,Kekasih lama [: feelings has fade but youre still th reason why i chose to be alone without any man.
Friday, March 20, 2009 ♥
grandfather is home. which means ,i dont have to go hospital anymore. thank god ,he's fine now. alhamdulilah (:
anyway ,a 28 year old guy who looks like 35 years old ,who has been noticing me for th past 4days talked to me justnow. one more thing ,he's perasan. *menyampahnyaaaa.
why i called him perasan? firstly ,he told me that th firstime he saw me was th last four days at that waffle shop and i was like 'really? i didnt notice you at all' and he insisted that i was lying. kan perasan tuh. well ,i was bored at that point of time so i just entertained him. layan dia pun mcm nak taknak gitu. but i cant deny that he was seen everywhere i go. mana kaseh pergi comfirm dia ada punya. secondly ,paling i cannot tahan and wanted to laugh was when he said..
him : that day your mum asked you to asked for my number kan? *muka penuh yakin* me : huh? bila? mana ada? *muka seribu pertanyaan* him : dont lie ,buatbuat tatawu pula. *senyumsenyum* me : bila eh? what my mum say? *muka cramp* him : she asked you to ask for that handsome guy's number. and that guy was me kan? *confident oi!* me : eh? idk pula. tak ingat. *muka selamba* him : eleh ,action tatawu pula. *senyumsenyum*
at that point of time. idk whether to shout at him and say PERASAN or to laugh out loud at his perasanness. but i was like tak sampai hati to tell him that mum wasn't talking about him sebab dia berbual macam dengan penuh yakin gitu kan. hahaha.
well ,mum was actually talking aboutZAKI lah kan. bukan lelaki perasan yg 28 tahun tuh. haiyakk ~
and that 28 years old guy even wanted to bring me somewhere else cause he told me that he dont want others' to think that im talking to a stranger. hahaha. if i know ,i would tell him that i dont mind people saying that im talking to stranger rather than a stranger bringing me to somewhere else kan. lagi bikin masalah. so at that period of time juga i told him that i need to go off already. haha ,irritating sungguh! and he thought that my age is 20years old =.= nonsense!
anyway! im still hoping to bump into zaki someday ,somewhere ,sometime. aha ,bleah.
Thursday, March 19, 2009 ♥
hullo dear readers(!) it has been so long since i last updated my blog ,eh? hehehe. well ,ive been really busy nowdays. kay no ,i was lying :D actually ,my one week of school holiday were mostly spent at Changi General Hospital because dear grandfather was hospitalised. he was so sick on monday ,12.30am that he had to rush to th hospital and needs to be warded. haiyak ,get well soon atukkk (: so yeah ,i went out during march holiday w friends only on Monday and Wednesday. haiyaaak! and th friends whom i went out w during march hols were zul&zai which was on monday and on wednesday was w aidah syahilah diana solihin &arep. on wed ,i was supposed to reach hospital by 5pm but i was 2hours late. haiyak.
my mind is so blank right now. okaaay ,i guess i already know what to update about.. um ,CHANGI GENERAL HOSPITAL ,can? :D heeeeee ~
well ,mum has been talking about th guy ive been eye-ing since last tuesday. grandfather was in ward 49 which was th same ward as th guy's brother. bed bersebelahan lagi. haha. and now ,grandfather has to change ward to level 4. so before going ,mum decided to ask th guy's name. buat malu kaseh aja ,haiyak. nasibaik th guy wasn't there. so mum asked his brother. and th guy's name is ZAAAKKKKIII (i think so) :D mum commented that Zaki is handsome. well ,i can't deny that he's goodlooking :P and btw ,its really a small world cause th guy's mum and my granfather is somehow related. haaaa. grandfather has his house phone number and guess what? i was asked by mum to call him =.=' haha and i was like NO WAY OKAY. hahahha. as a girl ,i'l never never make th first move. nanti macam perigi cari timba laah pula kan =.=' lagipun ,mana lah tawu si zaki tuh sudah berpunya atau dah kahwin keeeee. hahaha! i didnt get to see him today cause he came late and mum made a big mistake to go off early! hmph. grandfather called me and said that 5minutes after my mum and myself went off ,zaki and family came to visit grandfather. grrrrrr! but nevermind ,heheheh. who knows ,i might bump into him somewhere in singapore sooner or later. singapore is not big kan and furthermore ,he's staying somewhere at east. heeeheh.
mum : kaseh kalau terjumpa zaki kat luar ,boleh recognise? kaseh : ntah eh ,skrg pun kaseh dh lupa muka dia mcmana. mum : =.='
and guess what? mum is talking about zaki again right now ,yes now! =.= aha ,bleah.
ibu : kaseh ,budak zaki tuh handsome. kaseh : handsome memanglah handsome tapi perangai dia macamana pula?
haha. and yes ,i can't deny that i somehow go for looks but still ,it'll get me turn off when guys who has looks but w bad attitude. i dont go for looks blindly :D
hahahaha. ok bye.
will i get to see zaki again? haha. haiyaaak ):
one more thingggg! :D i bumped into th student nurse again! alaa ,th guy which i talked about on my previous post. i bumped into him on last tues and todaaaay! :D before this ,I THINK ive bumped into him for like umpteen times already. i dont think he notices me. aww ,so sad. HAHA. anyway ,on tues ,we happened to be in th same lift and he was just right behind me and i think i saw his name. but i didnt get to see his full name due to my poor eye sight and it was really obvious that i was looking at his name tag -.- and he's always at level 5. so ,if anyone happened to go CGH level 5 (green lift) ,say Hello to him for me. haha -.- he's th guy w spiky hair. i was just so curious lah cause i think i know him but dont know lah eh. hmph.
btw zul! ,ive read your blog [: takde kuasa nak settle melalui blog lah kan. dah letih. do anything you want as long as youre happy. well ,as you said ; We're not meant to be together. tc!
and th pictures..
MONDAY's Pictures ;
this is my one and only exboyfriend. i was waiting for zul at bedokinter and hairul happened to be in bedok inter too. sempat ambil gambar! :D
dearest ezzan :D oh this was taken around 2am ,i think.
this was taken around 5am. was insomnia ,haiyak.
TUESDAY's Pictures ;
tuesday 17th march was th day i first saw zaki! :D